Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Adopt my cat

I can no longer keep him. He needs an outdoor home.
He has not been neutered, and he sprays. Due to "physical complications" I don't care to explain in my blog, it would be an invasive (and pricey) surgery to neuter him. When I adopted him, it was thought he was already neutered, but according to the vet, he is not. He has annihilated my apartment, and urinated on everything in site. I'm no longer willing to keep him and allow him to further ruin my belongings and my apartment. Not to mention how much it will already cost me when I move out because of this. I'm hoping maybe if I find him a place now, I can maybe get my carpets semi-clean by the time my lease ends.
I am a big time cat person and have had cats almost all my life. I'm not into giving this guy up, but sooner or later everyone has to know when to fold the hand they have been dealt. My time is now. I cannot live like this.
He needs to be kept outside. If you happen to have the extra $450 around to have his surgery done, I am sure he'd be ok as an indoor cat in a home he hasn't already, "marked."

Monday, May 11, 2009

Ahh, Orlando. Orange You Glad Fest!

Home to FMF, aka Florida Music Festival, which has increasingly grown more and more plastic the past few years. Lucky us, someone (namely Tierney Tough) came along and has really put together something freaking awesome: Orange You Glad Fest.Something like 60 bands, 6 venues. Same weekend as FMF. . . I think the coolest thing about it, is that they in no way are trying to detract from FMF, but rather gracefully allowing them to go their own way while creating something for the more "indie-oriented" music and fans at the same time.
I'm so, so excited for this thing. So excited, that I'm really finding it hard not to say anything regarding the apathy of so many people when it comes to community oriented music events and local music in general. I know plenty of people who will go see 20 bands in one weekend at The Fest in Gainesville (tons of fun, no doubt) yet probably see less than half that in a calendar year locally (this is not directed at any one person, just an unfair generalization of lots of really amazing people I know that I selfishly made to suit the purpose of this blog.) Not sure what gives there. Orlando actually has some great shit for you to see.
Here are some of my recommendations for this weekend's Orange You Glad fest:
Kick off party @ Will's Pub
The Pauses: Orlando, FL. Dual keys driven indie-pop. No posturing or any of that crap, just fun fun music.
Modern Skirts : Athens, GA. smooth, catchy Indie-Rock.

Wills Pub
Watch Me Disappear: Orlando, FL. Loud as hell post-hardcore that changes time signatures without pissing you off in the process. In other words, they do so deftly.

Uncle Lous
Only Thieves: Tallahassee, FL. Pop + Loud Heavily Distorted guitars makes me happy.

Andy Matchett: Orlando, FL. Some of you may be familiar with Andy from him playing with XOXO and The Monorail, but you are doing yourself a disservice if you do not click on his name right there and listen to at least one song. He is a great singer, and my friend,and I have no problem kissing his ass. But only because I mean it. His sister is playing with him now, too. . . it is really good, honest music.

Jason Choi Orlando, FL (lucky us, he moved here!). Jason is another mega-talented singer song-writer who is beyond reproach on the niceness scale. He and his friend Dave like pizza. (they also play together in a really cool band called Kitty Party.)

Redlight Redlight
The Still Voice: Orlando, FL. Erin Solari seems to grow as a lead vocalist every time I see this band, and their bass player is pretty damn good. For fans of Denali or Engine Down. Their shows never lack energy or intensity.


Redlight Redlight
3 layers of awesome:
History: Orlando, FL. More synths, more guitars, more drums, more cymbals. And I like it. At times they remind me of Jawbox. And I like that. They have new songs I haven't heard yet, but I have heard about (positively.)
Hurrah: Orlando, FL. I think when this band formed, Cohen had hair. I could be wrong. I just know they have been around a long time, and they are good. More loud guitars. . . which pretty much gets me every time.
Northvia: Orlando, FL. Orlando by way of Tallahassee, these guys play instrumental music that isn't monotonous and droning, in fact it manages to push forward with a purpose. A worthwhile one, at that. Plus, their freaking album features song titles all alluding to the Orlando Magic. It's the playoffs!

Wil's Pub
Thomas Wynn: Orlando, FL. Thomas is a really powerful performer, and I haven't gotten to see him as many times as I want to. Their music is dripping with Southern, without seeming inauthentic at all. Plus he is so affable on stage. It's a great thing to see.
Matt Butcher: Orlando, FL. How THAT VOICE comes out of Matt is beyond me. No offense to him, but his appearances in no way indicate the voice the kid has. When I first moved into my building, he lived across the way from me. I didn't know him at the time at all. But sometimes, he would play guitar and sing, and I thought, "who the hell is that guy? He's is way too good." Turned out to be Matt. And I have to admit something I don't get and cannot stand: I have never once actually seen him perform. Not with The Heathens, nor solo. Some higher power has intervened and requested he schedule all his shows when I cannot see him. For example, for this show on the same night I am playing a show at another venue.
Great Deceivers: Orlando, FL. Vocal harmonies. Good ones. And they have fun with the music, and I think that's always fun to see.


Slow Claw: Nashville, TN. We did three dates with these dudes on our last tour, and they were some of the nicest, funnest guys I've met in quite some time. Audience participation is encouraged and enjoyed. They just want to party with you.
Dangerous Animals: Orlando, FL. Elemental Folk-Pop, maybe? Their songs are not overly involved or intricate, but they feel right. Like, comfort music. They have some great male/female vocal interplay going on. And Jeff Ilgenfrentz.


Redlight Redlight
Mike Dunn and The Kings of New England: Orlando, FL: Everybody likes nice guys, and these guys are genuinely freaking nice guys. Mike writes some great songs that I can comfortably call, "Americana" without feeling like I am slighting he or the genre. I think I can safely say he likes Bruce Springsteen, and we are all the better for it.

Uncle Lou's
Khann: Orlando, FL. I had no clue what to expect when I saw these guys a few weeks ago at Will's. To say I was happy would be an understatement. Torche-esque without being derivative. Loud as hell. Yes.

Will's Pub
Cracker Jackson: Orlando, FL. Umm. Never read a description of him before. I am guessing people use terms like, "jokester" or "wise-cracking" or whatever else, but I think those terms would inherently discount the fact the guy is a genuine word smith with a shockingly quick wit. If you asked him to freestyle about grape popsicles and peanut butter, it would probably still sound good.

Saturday, May 9, 2009


Just a joke, right? Well. I never planned to see him. Now, I outright refuse, after seeing this on an email flyer for his show at The Social:
"MC Chris has appeared and worked behind the scenes and contributed his unique voice and original lyrics to Adult Swim on Aqua Teen Hunger Force as MC Pee Pants and on Sealab 2021 as well as The Brak Show & Space Ghost: Coast to Coastand he still has time to manage a heavy touring schedule while re-releasing his fifth album."

Well. Where the f do I start?

First off. MC Chris IS a joke. If it were not for that joke, he would be nowhere. What the F is he thinking allowing that BS "band bio" go public? What reject writer from comedy central wrote that?
"yeah, that's a tight band bio. oh wait. . . you forgot Space Ghost. Add that crap in, too. You know, for cred n crap."

My favorite parts?
"he still has time to manage a heavy touring schedule. . ."
Yeah no crap. He does fucking voices on cartoons. Something tells me I could manage a "heavy touring schedule" in his shoes, too.

"while re-releasing his fifth album."

What was wrong with the first release?

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Web Etiquette, and being a jerk to idiots

I posted various things on craigslist. One of them being one of my bass guitars. So, I get a message from some lady this morning, at 11:13 saying she is interested, and asking questions about the bass.
"i am interested! please upload your Marron bass what i am seeing on ur post is not a lefty, i live in Yonkers,New York and will be willing to send the money by way of 'western union', tell me what year is the bass?(Marron Fender)?? please reply."

Before I reply, at 11:35, she writes me again telling me she is interested again:

" i am interested tell me, what yr. is it? please reply (914)457-
9245 ask 4 Pat."

Not being desperate to sell, I didn't feel like dealing with someone so irritatingly desperate to buy. Not to mention, shipping a bass to NY (where she is) would be a pain in the ass. And plus western union? Eh.

So, I write back simply:
"I'm not interested."

Her response?
"well why the hell you have it posted on craigs' list then dude? don't tell me it's ONLY RESERVED fo 'FLORIDIANS!!' what a FUCKTARD!"

My response to that?
"NM, I'm totally interested now!"

What will she say back? More to come, I hope!

She wrote me back:
"what is the year, is it a usa, or a 'MIJ'?"

My reply?

"NM I'm not interested."

She wrote back AGAIN. Really?


Of course I replied:

"Mentally challenged? What does that mean? Is that an insult?"


She wrote me back:

I replied:
"UR CAPS LOCK IS ON." (thanks to Shaquille O'neal for the inspiration on that one.)

My job

My job is an odd one.
One of my students is about to get evicted. I felt really proud of the way my boss really pulled some strings to, "help" this kid, and get him into school even though he was ill-prepared, and really just slacking.
In his thanks to my boss, the kid has:
-Applied to all of 5 jobs in the past month plus.
-Failing one of 3 classes.
-Refuses to accept responsibility for either.
-Stated he didn't know when rent was due.

My response to the last one?
"Life lesson. Rent is due on the first. Always."

Geez. Now, this kid will probably drop out, and have nothing to show for it but some debt. Not because of us, but because he was unmotivated to find a part-time job at a burger joint, or any one of the many places he could have been hired.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

When it comes to reading, I am a huge nerd. I like some writer's writer stuff, like Faulkner or Delillo, but really what I get wrapped up in is Tolkien. I have read Lord of the Rings twice in the past three years, Children Of Hurin, The Silmarillion, The Hobbit. I've started on The History of Middle Earth, which is an advanced nerd-level journey into Tolkien's works regarding Middle Earth.
Basically, some geeky stuff. The problem I have is ever since I read Lord of The Rings for the first time a few years ago, I have had trouble reading anything else. I read Harry Potter. More nerdy stuff. Recently, I started reading Ulysses and found it too grounded and realistically mundane to be of interest to me (and this, one of the greatest novels of all time) so I started reading Eragon and found it more intriguing. That should be considered literary blasphemy, but the truth is I just can't seem to get into any other form of literature right now. I was so excited about reading James Joyce. . . and then, nothing. I couldn't get the ball rolling.
Traditionally I have been able to read anything I could get my hands on. I don't quite get why I am having this problem now. I read The Chronicles of Narnia in elementary school, and it didn't ruin me for life and turn me into a sci-fi only reader.
The only thing I can think of is that these novels have become a form of escapism for me. They all envelop the reader in a vivid world that has NOTHING to do with the world we actually live in.
This concerns me, because I fear that this could be a gateway drug into some thing I really don't want to get involved in.
If Hot Topic could make up a book about something that would help them sell their pseudo-emo-goth crap, it would be Twilight.
If I ever buy Twilight, I DEMAND an intervention.

Yours truly,

Kyle R. Raker

Monday, April 27, 2009

I always have trouble falling asleep Sunday nights. Sundays are my special days. Sleep as late as I want. Be lazy. And then get some cleaning or project or creative outlet done. But then I cannot sleep. And then, I am tired every Monday. It is 3am, and I am smoking a cigarette at my computer (don't tell my roomie) while my girlfriend sleeps. I am watching a special on Psychics and such on The History channel, which I am quickly realizing is the same special I saw like two hours ago. This is an any Sunday kind of thing for me. It wasn't so bad when I was working at noon on Mondays, except for the fact I hate working at noon, because it meant I was getting off at 9pm. The positive: it makes me appreciate the days I get off at 6pm so much more. It is nice actually having an evening, not to mention I am way more productive those days for some reason (even my new 6pm Mondays, in spite of my lack of sleep.
I was thinking today, about the fact it is basically Summer now. I mean, we don't have much of a Spring here in Orlando. I guess that means I am supposed to do Summer things now, like the springs, and the beach or what have you. And I like those things a lot. But, I really like my anti-social Sundays, too. Sometimes I wonder if I should not put more effort into spending time around people during the day on weekends or something. It is just. . . that's MY time. Often, I do share that time with Kelly, and that is awesome. And, it is not like I don't see my friends. It is just that I see them at my "social" times, like when I go to a show, or go sit on a stool and have a couple drinks somewhere. I feel like I neglect some important people in my life by adhering to this sort of social-schedule. Maybe I should work on that. I dunno.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Thoughts on blogging

Alright, so I was thinking today about my blog, and my other blog (myspacemutants.blogspot.com) and such. I felt like I wanted to add something to my blog to make it unique. Other than my distaste for people who don't know the difference between then and than, or making fun of weirdos on myspace, I don't have too much unique that I want to say. I am still going to keep this particular blog for my own little thoughts and such, but I decided I want to try something new, blog-wise: I am lucky to have a lot of talented friends, be it musicians, graphic designers, tattoo artists, or what have you. I'd like to see if I can interview them, and make our interviews blog entries. Hopefully some of you will be willing to let me interview you! ha. Anyways, that one is HERE.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

My dad is a one man stimulus package

Every month for the past 3 months my dad has mailed me a $50 gift card to Publix. I think it is his way of trying to prove to me trickle down economics does work. Thanks, Dad!

Monday, March 9, 2009

It is always nice to see something you have been planning for a really long time come together (relatively) smoothly. Thursday night is the first show we are playing for this little tour thing, and it looks like Wednesday we will be picking up our freshly printed CDs. So we somehow managed to have stickers, buttons, shirts, and CD's all at one time. Being in a band is a money pit.

I think Victor is the only person who reads this blog, but, here are the dates (as if I haven't already sent all of you a myspace event invite, facebook event invite, and several twitter reminders- geez):
Mar 12: Gville
Mar 13: Downtime
Mar 14: Cocoa Beach
Mar 15: Sarasota
Mar 16: Tampa
Mar 17: Orlando at Backbooth
Mar 18: New Orleans?
Mar 19: Austin TX
Mar 20: Pensacola
Mar 21: Tallanasty!
Mar 22: Atlanta

Having that Orlando show on Mar 17 really makes everything else kind of a pain. . .but it is with Inkwell, One Small Step For Landmines, and Slow Claw. . . so it should be REALLY f'ng fun (for me at least. Not to mention it will be nice to play a show when I DON'T have to get up at 8am the next day.)

Anyways, I didn't just post this because a blog offers me yet another place to inundate you with promotional information: I also posted to discuss, "Lose" and "Loose."

How any person could mix the two of these up, is beyond me. "Lose" is a VERB. "Loose" is an adjective."

"He somehow managed to lose all his money by spending it on fast cars, booze and loose women."

Simple, right?

Here is some more help:

"Lose" is pronounced, "looz," whereas "loose" rhymes with noose, moose, and caboose.

If you are an adult, and you cannot keep these words straight, you should have to go back to elementary school (Billy Madison style.) I think I kind of equate poor spelling and grammar habits to having low self-confidence in much the same way I would equate a woman dressing dumpy to meaning she has low self-confidence, or a man being afraid to speak to women as meaning he has low self-confidence. It's ok: You deserve to spell right. I know you can do it.

Friday, March 6, 2009


Registered the domain, again. If anyone knows how to build a simple site, basically just built around a message board, let me know. I am sure there are free php codes or something out there, but I'm not a web designer so. . . it's all Chinese to me.
Basically all I need is for a person to be able to go to my site, post a thread, and people can comment and reply to it.

Burned tongue


Thursday, March 5, 2009

Have you seen the new gatorade commercials, with Kevin Garnett? They are, I suppose, a spoof of Monty Python and The Holy Grail or whatever that movie is called, and they are searching for G.
I watched a few of the commercials on TV, and thought they sucked, but I decided to go to the website and watch the whole thing after seeing the link on the commercial. It's actually pretty funny (funny in a "well, for non-actors they aren't doing a bad job" sort of way, perhaps.)
The highlight is the talking goat.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

myspace mutants

I got a text the other day from a friend, reminding me to post some more myspace mutants, that he and a few other friends were talking about it.
Man, I want to, so bad. . . but it is not natural for me, writing wise. And by that, I don't mean morally. I love making fun of weird motherfuckers.
It just doesn't flow for me. I wanna just sit down, and type crap- not type, post a pic, dig through a blog, harvest more funny pictures, repeat. I guess the end result is pretty fun, though.

Anyways, I wanted to talk about "their," "they're," and "there."

Just so that I get the simple out of the way (for the stupid people), this is what each word means:

Their: A possessive term. Simple. Example: "That is their stool. I know this, because they left it there."


This neatly segues to there.

There: A fucking place, dude. Simple. Example: "Have you been to Boston? No, I have never been there, but I hear they're known for their beans."

Damn! See how I am building one principle upon the next?

Our last word today is, "they're."

They're: They are. HENCE THE APOSTROPHE. IT IS CALLED A CONTRACTION. "Some words can be combined to create a new word. When combined, they're called a contraction. Anyone who doesn't know what a contraction is should have their license to live revoked."
There. I am done.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Earlier today I sent some event invites on facebook for some of the upcoming out of town stuff. When you put in your gmail, it will pull up the option of sending to anyone you have ever messaged on gmail, since it saves all contacts. Anyways, a long time ago I wrote a Myspace Mutants blog about that Peter Pan guy down in Tampa. As part of it, I emailed him in hopes of getting more stuff to write about. Anyways, I sent an event invite, and, lucky for the world, this seemingly motivated him to join Facebook upon my invitation:

Friday, February 20, 2009

I am better than you.

Blogging is an interesting thing. There really is no set format, or rules. Some people take it really seriously, other people just make a series of bad jokes. As far as I am concerned, there is really only one rule to blogging, it is my One Commandment:
Know the difference between then and than.

Simple thing, really, yet sadly there are thousands of people out there who don't know the difference. In fact, I was reading an article at Time.com in which the author screwed up between then and than. I cannot think of anything that makes me question an author's authority faster than not knowing something that is taught in elementary school.

It isn't that I don't understand WHY people mix these words up; I know why. We, as Americans, have lazy tongues. We pronounce things in a manner which will require the least possible effort. In the case of than, this apparently means it is often pronounced by people as (my best phonetic description) "thun," i.e. "I am better thun you because I know what word I am actually using."

This lends itself to confusion for the uninitiated when writing, and they end up typing, "I am better then you because I don't know what word I am actually using." THEN IS NOT CORRECT HERE.

Then is a delineation of a difference in time, or a clarification of the order of events, such as, "We went to get sushi, then we grabbed some drinks."

Than is used as a comparison between two or more things, such as, "Amura is more expensive than Sushi Hatsu."

Honestly, if you are an adult, and you can't get this right after reading this, you are an idiot, and I have no qualms about letting you know this. It is inexcusable. This is something you were taught in elementary school. Get it together, moron.

Thanks for reading!

Next time, we will discuss the homonyms: there, their, and they're. Maybe.